Lists

I'm a list maker. I don't always stick to them, and sometimes I make them and then never look at them again. So, this morning I made a list of... resolutions I guess you could call it. I feel that I need to assess myself sometimes to keep myself from turning into a crazy person. Life do's and don't. And my relationship do's and don't. I'm weird, but I have to say it or put it on paper to realize something or to make a change.

1. Say yes more than I say no. To life in general...

2. Be more independent.

3. Control my temper and my thoughts when my wonderful fiance is doing the exact opposite of what I would like him to be doing. Or just situations in general. I really do like to be in control, not of every small little detail, but the idea of things. (I'm working on that)

4. Adding to #3. Be more laid back. It is what it is, so just let it be.

5. Get 'something' accomplished everyday. Better yet, accomplish a lot of 'somethings'! I'll admit that I don't have a problem being lazy on my days off. I enjoy not having to do something. I'm a procrastinator too, I blame my father. ;)

6. Be better about cleaning up my messes. I'm not a slob, I promise. I just procrastinate. I'm famous for organizing clutter to deal with later. I despise folding laundry and doing dishes. I will 'neatly' pile my clean clothes in hampers. And I will 'neatly' stack dishes. But I will say that I (99% of  the time) am the one to clean up not only after myself, but my hunnybunny too. He hates it when I chew his ass for leaving messes when there's a 'neatly' stacked pile of clean laundry sitting at the end of the bed.

7. Be frugal. And I am, I just needed to list that because this wedding bill keeps growing and growing. I need to remind myself not to spend money on things I don't need. I get being frugal from my mother.

8. DON'T WORRY SO MUCH! I think I have something wrong with me because I worry so much. I am constantly freaking out someone is going to die or get hurt or... something. My absolute biggest fear in life is losing loved ones. I just can't handle it. I replay the the day of 7/6 in my head when I worry. It's almost something I can't control, it's just how my brain operates now.

9. Don't pay mind to things that are going to upset me. Ben is always 'yomping' at me about facebook. And I agree, it's kind of the devil... but I'm on there all the time anyway. When I'm upset about a situation, I will look on peoples pages because... (I honestly don't know why) and it usually upsets me more. I delete people really for my own benefit, not because I want to be a bitch. The less I can see, the better because I WILL look if I can.

10. Adding to #9: Don't let things bother me. I over-think situations, and I let the dumbest things bother me. People that know me think I can be a bit of a ticking time bomb. It doesn't take much to 'get to me'. Not upset me, just 'get to me'. I always have to have a reason. If someone is being rude, I either have to figure out what I did, or figure out why they're doing it. Stupid, I should just not care at all. Life would be so much easier.

11. Love things; have passions. I have a love/hate relationship with just about everything in my life. I don't have something that I just love doing. Everything that I love, I can also really really NOT love too. I need a hobby.

That was my list this morning. I think the times I make lists are when I feel overwhelmed or irritated. Some people jog, some people clean, some people scream (I do that sometimes too), people do a lot of things to relieve some stress... I usually make lists. It's a strange thing.